Dear Daddy,
I can't believe that is has been six months since you left. We are half way through the first half of the year. I wanted to take some time to reflect on that I have learned these last six months.
You were the best thing that happened in my life. You made life sweet.
My relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ has grown tremendously.
Serving others and helping others makes me feel good.
I am doing what is necessary to have our family sealed in the temple.
I can choose to try to be happy. I can try to keep a positive attitude.
I am in control of my life and my emotions (well most of the time).
It is ok to have fun and let loose sometimes.
It is OK to eat chocolate for dinner.
It is OK to let your kids eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.
It is OK to get only a few hours of sleep at night.
Grieving isn't easy, it is a real difficult thing to get through some days.
I can do hard things.
Being a single parent is difficult.
Raising kids who are grieving and missing their Daddy is painful.
I have learned that a house is really quiet when kids are sleeping.
I have learned how to journal
I have learned how to live life knowing and believing that someday I will see you again.
I have learned that this will be a lifelong journey.
I wish you were here so I didn't have to learn these things on my own. I want you to know that our children are my number one priority and I would do anything for them. I see you in our children and that keeps me going. That beautiful gift is the reason I wake up in the morning and what puts a smile on my face. You will never be forgotten, you are cherished and held in my heart each day.
I love you to heaven and back.
Love, Stephanie
Our Forever Family
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Missing you
Dear Scotty,
I miss you here with us. I miss you sweet voice, your beautiful laugh, the way you would tease me until I would get so annoyed and yell at you. I miss your feet rubbing against mine in bed at night. I miss your dirty lunchbox on the kitchen counter after a long days work. I miss everything about you. We are going on but not without pain. I miss my Scotty. Our kids miss their Daddy. Today they were especially needing you. They must be missing you because they have been really clingy and don't want to share me with anyone. I want you here with me so bad, I don't know how to deal with it at times. I know Heavenly Father needed you to be called home to complete your mission with him. I am trying to work through the "why me, Why now?". This life was way to short for you but I know you are doing what you are meant to be doing. I am holding on to the faith that I will see you very soon and we can finish spending eternity together. Please save a place for me. Your place is in my heart. I love you.
Love your wife, Steph
I miss you here with us. I miss you sweet voice, your beautiful laugh, the way you would tease me until I would get so annoyed and yell at you. I miss your feet rubbing against mine in bed at night. I miss your dirty lunchbox on the kitchen counter after a long days work. I miss everything about you. We are going on but not without pain. I miss my Scotty. Our kids miss their Daddy. Today they were especially needing you. They must be missing you because they have been really clingy and don't want to share me with anyone. I want you here with me so bad, I don't know how to deal with it at times. I know Heavenly Father needed you to be called home to complete your mission with him. I am trying to work through the "why me, Why now?". This life was way to short for you but I know you are doing what you are meant to be doing. I am holding on to the faith that I will see you very soon and we can finish spending eternity together. Please save a place for me. Your place is in my heart. I love you.
Love your wife, Steph
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Our adventures in dirtbiking
Uncle John and his cousin Tim chasing, and coaching Madison on her first adventure around the dirt bike track.
Uncle John giving Madison some assistance to get going.
Coaching and teaching Madison how to ride.
One time around the track was enough
The boys playing in their fort
Carson and his best friend Max.
Who is ready to ride, thumbs up!
John and Carson
John and Carson
I wanna ride too.
Boys will be boys and play in the dirt
Carson on the hill that he was nervous about at first but couldn't get enough
Uncle John taking Jack for a spin.
Dear Daddy,
Well it is official, your kids have had their first real experience with dirt biking. John has really gone out of his way to show your sweet babies love and teach them new things. I can remember when you were in the hospital John promised to take care of the kids and he truly has been there for them. He took the boys out dirt biking last weekend and they had a great time. Carson wanted to jump the hill to get up to heaven to bring you home. Jack wanted to go again and again. It takes a great friend and brother in law to really step it up and do things that you would have normally done. I wish it were you taking the kids for a spin on your quad, I wish you were here to watch and encourage them to try and get out there and have fun. I am so very grateful for Stacey and John, they love our kids and it truly shows. I am glad he kept his promise to take care of your children, I feel he is doing a wonderful job. Can't wait for him to teach the boys how to go fishing.
We went over to Karen and Johnnys for SuperBowl Sunday. We didn't watch the game, I always hated that part. At half time we went outside and watched the boys ride their dirt bikes. Madison wanted a ride so Uncle John gave her a spin. She was very trusting and brave to do this. Madison has always been so reserved, still is. She then later decided that she wanted to do it all by herself. I would not consider our daughter a brave, outgoing adventure seeker. She is very content usually watching these types of activities or simply writing about them. I figured if she wanted to try then she should. John and his cousin Tim chased her around so that she would feel safe and secure. She wasn't the best dirt biker and I am ok with that. I admire John for trying to teach her, but love his comment "Keep practicing on your bicycle." You would have been so proud watching her. Please continue to watch over us and keep us safe on our adventures her on Earth. We miss you dearly but are trying to make the most of our time here on Earth. We will have plenty of stories of our adventures to share with you when we see you again.
Love, Mommy
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
We r doing okay
Dear Scotty,
We are still painfully missing you each day but we find the strength each day to get through all of it. So much has changed since u left. We survived the holidays it wasnt the same without you, seemed all too unreal to me Me and the kids are living in a huge, beautiful, fun house. The kids love to get in the hot tub and go swimming. They can't wait to be able to swim in the big pool. Here are some of the wonderful things Our kids have been doing to make me proud. I think u would be proud too
Madison- absolutely loves school, she is so smart. I heard her counting by 10's all the way to 1000 a few weeks ago. She is my super helper. Tonight she got all the kids in the bath by herself and washed everyone's hair and scrubbed them up because I hurt my back. She still loves paper. Her newest favorite past time is cutting confetti, I find little scraps of paper all over the house but i can't complain because it brings her much joy. She is getting so tall and beautiful. It is hard to believe that she will be 6 years old next month. Her heart still belongs to you. She longs for her daddy's hugs and kisses. She longs for your lap to curl up in and watch tv. She talks a lot about you. Last night i caught her calling you on your cell phone She couldn't understand why you didn't answer.
Carson - he is growing up right before my eyes. He still beats up on his brother quite often. He is learning so much at preschool. He loves going and doesn't give me any trouble when I drop him off in the mornings. He can recognize most letters in the alphabet and can spell his name as well as his brothers name. He loves to play outside. This afternoon we were playing out front and riding bikes. He can ride his big wheel bike so fast that I can only imagine he got that from you. He has never been a real affectionate kid but recently he has been so cute with me. He is so affe tionate to me and I love it. He wants you to come back and I think with time he will understand it is not that easy.
Jackson - what a big boy, we moved and got rid of the high chair and crib. He sleeps in his "big boy bed" quite well. He is talking so much and saying so many cute things. He loves to whisper "hi Mommy" in my ear and kiss me. He loves his grandpa more than anyone else right now. He loves to follow his big brother around and copy everything he says. He is very strong and sticks up for himself. I have had to break up a few fist fights between the boys but not too many. He is our angel, sweet as can be. When someone knocks at the door he will sometimes run to the door screaming "dada". It breaks my heart that it isn't you but brings me joy all the excitement he has in his voice for his daddy.
I am so happy to have three kids to love and have the constant reminder of our love for each other. We have beautiful kids. I am proud to be their mommy. I miss you every day. I have had a few days where I haven't cried just thinking of you or imaging your voice in my head. I don't want to ever forget your voice. It took me almost 4 months to cancel your cell phone because I liked to hear you say your own name on your voicemail. I know it is silly but I enjoyed leaving you voicemail messages.
With a new year Always comes new goals. My goal for 2012 is to find happiness and provide opportunities for our kids to experience joy. I am going to live my life with my head up and proud. I know heavenly father had a plan for us. I still don't know why you left but have faith that someday I will see the reason. You are still my one and only sweetheart and my heart will never be the same. I love you Scotty. I wish I knew what you were doing in heaven and how you are. I know I will see you someday until then. Love ya
We are still painfully missing you each day but we find the strength each day to get through all of it. So much has changed since u left. We survived the holidays it wasnt the same without you, seemed all too unreal to me Me and the kids are living in a huge, beautiful, fun house. The kids love to get in the hot tub and go swimming. They can't wait to be able to swim in the big pool. Here are some of the wonderful things Our kids have been doing to make me proud. I think u would be proud too
Madison- absolutely loves school, she is so smart. I heard her counting by 10's all the way to 1000 a few weeks ago. She is my super helper. Tonight she got all the kids in the bath by herself and washed everyone's hair and scrubbed them up because I hurt my back. She still loves paper. Her newest favorite past time is cutting confetti, I find little scraps of paper all over the house but i can't complain because it brings her much joy. She is getting so tall and beautiful. It is hard to believe that she will be 6 years old next month. Her heart still belongs to you. She longs for her daddy's hugs and kisses. She longs for your lap to curl up in and watch tv. She talks a lot about you. Last night i caught her calling you on your cell phone She couldn't understand why you didn't answer.
Carson - he is growing up right before my eyes. He still beats up on his brother quite often. He is learning so much at preschool. He loves going and doesn't give me any trouble when I drop him off in the mornings. He can recognize most letters in the alphabet and can spell his name as well as his brothers name. He loves to play outside. This afternoon we were playing out front and riding bikes. He can ride his big wheel bike so fast that I can only imagine he got that from you. He has never been a real affectionate kid but recently he has been so cute with me. He is so affe tionate to me and I love it. He wants you to come back and I think with time he will understand it is not that easy.
Jackson - what a big boy, we moved and got rid of the high chair and crib. He sleeps in his "big boy bed" quite well. He is talking so much and saying so many cute things. He loves to whisper "hi Mommy" in my ear and kiss me. He loves his grandpa more than anyone else right now. He loves to follow his big brother around and copy everything he says. He is very strong and sticks up for himself. I have had to break up a few fist fights between the boys but not too many. He is our angel, sweet as can be. When someone knocks at the door he will sometimes run to the door screaming "dada". It breaks my heart that it isn't you but brings me joy all the excitement he has in his voice for his daddy.
I am so happy to have three kids to love and have the constant reminder of our love for each other. We have beautiful kids. I am proud to be their mommy. I miss you every day. I have had a few days where I haven't cried just thinking of you or imaging your voice in my head. I don't want to ever forget your voice. It took me almost 4 months to cancel your cell phone because I liked to hear you say your own name on your voicemail. I know it is silly but I enjoyed leaving you voicemail messages.
With a new year Always comes new goals. My goal for 2012 is to find happiness and provide opportunities for our kids to experience joy. I am going to live my life with my head up and proud. I know heavenly father had a plan for us. I still don't know why you left but have faith that someday I will see the reason. You are still my one and only sweetheart and my heart will never be the same. I love you Scotty. I wish I knew what you were doing in heaven and how you are. I know I will see you someday until then. Love ya
Monday, November 14, 2011
Missing you
Dear Daddy,
We are all missing you and wishing you were here. I am trying to do my best with all of my responsibilities as a mother of three beautiful children. They are so precious to me and I know they were to you too. Here are some of the silly things that have been happening around here.
Carson has decided we need to buy a house in heaven so we can come visit. He was wondering if any are for sale up there? When we were driving home from school today, he truly was serious about buying a house in heaven. He wants to learn to fly so he can come and visit you. Carson is doing well in school. He hates handwriting but has at least agreed to sit with the other kids and attempt to complete all the stations. He actually naps at school. Can you believe our boy who has refused to nap for almost 2 years is one of the first ones to fall asleep each day. He talks about his friends, he must have a thing for girls, he loves to play with the girls and is especially fond of a little girl named Mckenzie (Bakenzie).
Madison is doing so well in school. I went to her parent teacher conference last week and was surprised how well she is doing. She loves school. Tonight she read me five books, 2 times each. They were books they made at school but she was able tor read them all herself. She wrote her numbers from 1 to 121 yesterday without any mistakes. She can count to 100 by ones, fives, and tens. She can add small numbers together and can write and spell so many words. I don't know how many but I know it is huge. She almost knows all 35 of her sight words.
Jackson is the same old boy: busy, adorable, lovable and silly. He idolized his older brother and copies everything he does. He copies the way he walks, he copies what he is saying, the way he lays down to watch a movie. He counted to five tonight in the bathtub. He is singing the alphabet song and loves to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He is growing up so fast and has such a wonderful spirit about him.
I wish you were here to help us celebrate my birthday tomorrow. It will be a bittersweet one without you, the first one I am spending without you. I wish you were here to spoil me with flowers, going out to eat wherever I want, letting me buy whatever I wanted for gifts. I always stretched out my birthday with you. There was always so much happiness around my birthday because I truly felt like your princess. Now I am sad because I am alone and missing you. I know you would want me to do whatever I want but deep down I just really want the day to be over so I don't have to think about how you aren't here to celebrate and eat cake with me.
I miss everything about you, I am sure that will never change. I want so badly just to squeeze you and talk to you just one last time. There were so many things I would want to tell you, but I will wait until we are together again.
We miss you all the way down here on Earth.
Love, Mommy
We are all missing you and wishing you were here. I am trying to do my best with all of my responsibilities as a mother of three beautiful children. They are so precious to me and I know they were to you too. Here are some of the silly things that have been happening around here.
Carson has decided we need to buy a house in heaven so we can come visit. He was wondering if any are for sale up there? When we were driving home from school today, he truly was serious about buying a house in heaven. He wants to learn to fly so he can come and visit you. Carson is doing well in school. He hates handwriting but has at least agreed to sit with the other kids and attempt to complete all the stations. He actually naps at school. Can you believe our boy who has refused to nap for almost 2 years is one of the first ones to fall asleep each day. He talks about his friends, he must have a thing for girls, he loves to play with the girls and is especially fond of a little girl named Mckenzie (Bakenzie).
Madison is doing so well in school. I went to her parent teacher conference last week and was surprised how well she is doing. She loves school. Tonight she read me five books, 2 times each. They were books they made at school but she was able tor read them all herself. She wrote her numbers from 1 to 121 yesterday without any mistakes. She can count to 100 by ones, fives, and tens. She can add small numbers together and can write and spell so many words. I don't know how many but I know it is huge. She almost knows all 35 of her sight words.
Jackson is the same old boy: busy, adorable, lovable and silly. He idolized his older brother and copies everything he does. He copies the way he walks, he copies what he is saying, the way he lays down to watch a movie. He counted to five tonight in the bathtub. He is singing the alphabet song and loves to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He is growing up so fast and has such a wonderful spirit about him.
I wish you were here to help us celebrate my birthday tomorrow. It will be a bittersweet one without you, the first one I am spending without you. I wish you were here to spoil me with flowers, going out to eat wherever I want, letting me buy whatever I wanted for gifts. I always stretched out my birthday with you. There was always so much happiness around my birthday because I truly felt like your princess. Now I am sad because I am alone and missing you. I know you would want me to do whatever I want but deep down I just really want the day to be over so I don't have to think about how you aren't here to celebrate and eat cake with me.
I miss everything about you, I am sure that will never change. I want so badly just to squeeze you and talk to you just one last time. There were so many things I would want to tell you, but I will wait until we are together again.
We miss you all the way down here on Earth.
Love, Mommy
Monday, November 7, 2011
How much do I miss you?
Dear Scotty,,
I can not even begin to express how much I miss you tonight. You have been such a wonderful husband and father to our beautiful children. I am still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream. I find I am missing you at the most random times. I miss you more at night. I miss our nights when we used to both lay on a couch and watch absolutely nothing on TV. I miss you finishing my sentences. I miss you making the bacon for breakfast on Sunday mornings. I miss your sweet smile and your voice. I miss your blue eyes. I miss you rubbing your feet or tapping your legs constantly. I miss our conversations about absolutely nothing. I miss your warm embrace and sweet words. I miss everything about you.
It is November and I can't help but try to find things to be thankful for. I am thankful for you for showing me unconditional love. You loved me through all of my crazy bouts, all of my uncontrollable emotions. You always spoiled me and I ALWAYS got what I wanted. It never mattered how much something costs or how much I didn't "need" something, you always found a way to take care of it for me. I am thankful that we had children. The kids are a living legend of our love. I am thankful that I have them here to hold and love. I am thankful for your family. They have not turned their back on me. They love me unconditionally as you did. I am thankful for prayer and for the Gospel. I know that God has a plan for my life and right now I am struggling to see the beauty in all of it, but I know that someday I will. I am thankful for you and all you taught me in our marriage.
I can not even begin to express how much I miss you tonight. You have been such a wonderful husband and father to our beautiful children. I am still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream. I find I am missing you at the most random times. I miss you more at night. I miss our nights when we used to both lay on a couch and watch absolutely nothing on TV. I miss you finishing my sentences. I miss you making the bacon for breakfast on Sunday mornings. I miss your sweet smile and your voice. I miss your blue eyes. I miss you rubbing your feet or tapping your legs constantly. I miss our conversations about absolutely nothing. I miss your warm embrace and sweet words. I miss everything about you.
It is November and I can't help but try to find things to be thankful for. I am thankful for you for showing me unconditional love. You loved me through all of my crazy bouts, all of my uncontrollable emotions. You always spoiled me and I ALWAYS got what I wanted. It never mattered how much something costs or how much I didn't "need" something, you always found a way to take care of it for me. I am thankful that we had children. The kids are a living legend of our love. I am thankful that I have them here to hold and love. I am thankful for your family. They have not turned their back on me. They love me unconditionally as you did. I am thankful for prayer and for the Gospel. I know that God has a plan for my life and right now I am struggling to see the beauty in all of it, but I know that someday I will. I am thankful for you and all you taught me in our marriage.
This picture was taken exactly one year ago today. Wow, how much can change in a year. We miss you.
Love you, Love Mommy
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Dear Daddy
Dear Daddy,
I am learning so much at school and wish you were her so I could read books to you. My love for books and writing has grown since I started Kindergarten. I love writing and use up so much paper each day writing words. I wrote my numbers to 100 last week all by myself. I love school. Today I got an award from the principal at school. I am now in the ABC club, which means I know all my letters, upper case and lower case and know all of their sounds. Wish I could show you my award and button that I put on my backpack. Love you Daddy, miss you.
Love, Madison
I am learning so much at school and wish you were her so I could read books to you. My love for books and writing has grown since I started Kindergarten. I love writing and use up so much paper each day writing words. I wrote my numbers to 100 last week all by myself. I love school. Today I got an award from the principal at school. I am now in the ABC club, which means I know all my letters, upper case and lower case and know all of their sounds. Wish I could show you my award and button that I put on my backpack. Love you Daddy, miss you.
Love, Madison
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